Alanna Gives Thanks
by Lady Hazel
Summary: It's Alanna's fiftith birthday and she was asked by a misterious man to thank all of the poeple who helped her to get to where she was now. But instead of giving thanks, she is actually turning things into a catastophy.


Okay, so we all should know that Duke Gareth was King Roald Champion, right? You should know that. Anyway, he was the one who basically formed Alanna into the knight she is now. If it weren't for him, along with the support of her other friends, she would never have fulfilled her dream. SO for your viewing pleasure, I present Alanna Gives Thanks.  
  
Setting (It's a long one, to get you in the mood.) It's a warm summer night at the Palace. There is a huge festivity thrown specifically for Tortall's Champion, Alanna of Trebond and Olau (And Pirates Swoop and so on and so forth...) For her fiftieth birthday. (Yes, she's that old, but still very good at her job, and a youth at heart.) Alanna sits next to her King, and her Husband, Baron George Cooper of Pirates Swoop sits opposite of her next to the queen at the head of one of three very large tables. On the right side of the table, closest to Alanna sits her Daughter Aly, her adoptive father, Miles of Olau and his wife, Elenni, George's mother and Alanna's Mother and Mother in-law at the same time. (Does any one else find that odd besides me?) Next it is some of the highest-ranking members of the King's Own, including Raoul. On George's side sits his two sons and some of his most trusted men. Other guests at the table include Master Numair Salmalian, his wife Daine Sarasrri and their beautiful daughter.  
Everyone is enjoying themselves, talking about friendships, the history of Tortall, and what may come when King Jonathan stands to make a toast.  
  
Jon: This toast goes to my Champion, the Lioness herself, Alanna. May she always be... Good at what she does. Cheers.

Everyone: (Drinks to the kings toast)

Alanna: (Stands) Thank you, Thank you, everyone. But this next toast goes out to everyone who helped me get to where I am today. Cheers.

Random man, who no one can see, but has the voice of an aged man: Who are they all?

Alanna: Do you really want me to name them all?

RM,WNOCS, BHTVOAAM (The random person who just spoke): Yes!

Everyone else at the party: Yes, tell us Alanna! (They were so creepily in sync that Alanna had to pause for a moment)

Alanna: (Paused)

Jon: Come on. Let's here it.

Alanna: Well, first of all, I have to mention the King. He helped me out a lot. That is, until he got older and thought her was better then the rest of us.

Jon: (Defensively) Did not.

Alanna: Did too.

Jon: Did not.

George: Did too.

Jon: DID NOT!

Thayet: Did too.

Jon: (Looking defeated) Yes, dear.

RMWNOCS, BHTVOAAM: Any ways...

Alanna: Yes, anyways. Let's see. There was also my dear husband who helped me become a better wrestler. Thank you Georgie-poo.

George: (Trying to not let the rest of the crowd hear) Alanna, I told you...that name doesn't leave the bedroom.

Numair: She called you Georgie-poo in bed? (He breaks out into hysterics)

George... or should I say: Georgie-poo: (Defensively) NOO!

Daine: Stop teasing George, Numi-bear.

Numi-bear: (Groans in humiliation as George laughs for the next five minutes)

Thayet: (Stands up and gives a large clap) Okay people, Alanna's turn now. (Every one quiets) Go ahead, Alanna.

Alanna: Thank you. And I would like to thank my adoptive father Miles and George's mother/ Miles' wife Elenni. They both gave me advice when I needed it. Shot, they gave it to me when I didn't need it to. Thank you for all of your help.

Miles: (Takes a large swig of his brandy) (Sounding drunk) No, no. Thank you. (He lazily points at Elenni instead of Alanna)

Elenni: (looking a little drunk too, laughs out of no where and pushes Miles hand toward the head of the table) She's that way, dear.

Alanna: Miles...

Miles: Yes...?

Alanna: Have you been taking a swig of your brandy at every toast?

Miles: No...

Alanna: That's a relief

Miles:... She took it from me for the first toast and didn't leave me any so... (He looks around) (Yelling) Servant!! (A servant appears, but he still yells) I need more brandy!!!! And get the little lady here one too. She can't have anymore of mine. No, sir-ie. Never

Elenni: That's no fair. No faire at all. (The two stare at each other for a moment, then lazily start making out.)

George: Am I the only one who thinks this is awkward?

Alanna: No.

Jon: No.

Daine and Numair and Alanna's children: Ewe, old people making out. Ahhh!

Thayet: I think it's cute. Buri: (Who I forgot was sitting next to Raoul) (Walked up to Thayet and is about to slap her but holds back) Don't make me have to slap you.

Thayet: But you can't hurt me. You're supposed to be my protector.

Buri: It will be for your own good. And that's what I do. Look out for you own good.

Thayet: But it is cute. It shows love in all forms. It's a form of art.

Buri: (Looking Annoyed that she can't bring herself to slap her) Thayet...

Thayet: Yes?

Buri: I think I see a zit coming on. It might even be a pimple. Better go wash your face. Hurry before it becomes a BIG, HUGE, white PIMPLE.

Thayet: Don't say the P word. It scares me. (Runs off to wash her face)

Buri: Thank the gods. Go ahead Alanna.

Alanna: (Ahems) I would also like to thank the captain of the King's Own, Raoul for beating anyone who threatened me and Gary...err Duke Gareth the Younger for showing me my classes and doing my Algebra for me in exchange for something of his. Thanks guys.

(The guys both nod)

Alanna: I would also like to thank...(Alanna spots a servant with a tray) Oh are those the little cracker thingies with that pastie stuff on them?

Servant: (Nods)

Alanna: Oh, goodie. I love those. (She runs over to the servant and starts stuffing her face with the cracker things.)

Other people: (Start licking their chops and decide that they too want the little cracker things. They try to take the plate away from Alanna, which was a mistake because a huge fight started over the last few crackers.)

Jon: (Sighs) I knew I shouldn't have had those here tonight. Well, at lease some people like those.

Yea, there is kind of a plot to this and it will proabably two of three chapies long. I just can't fit everything in one chapter. It would just be wrong. So look out for another chapter if you thouth this was funny.


End file.
